A Childhood Moment…

I woke to the sound of birds outside the window. A warm gentle breeze blew through the screen and carried the scents of fresh-cut grass and tulips into my room.  I rushed to get dressed and head outside. I had nearly made it out the door when my mother’s voice suddenly stopped me mid-stride, “John, you need breakfast before you go anywhere.”

I dutifully turned around as my mind raced with ideas of what the quickest breakfast would be. As I made my way to the kitchen I remembered their was one “Pop-Tart” left in the back of the cabinet that I didn’t like. Bye Mom, I have a “Pop-Tart” I yelled as I headed out the door.

I hopped on my bike and began riding down the street. It was late May and the air was just right not too hot and not too cool, the air was alive with the sounds of birds and the promise of beautiful day heightened my senses. As I pedaled through the back streets of the neighborhood the maple trees created a kaleidoscope of light and shadow in front of me as I rode. The maple leaves were a vibrant green and the sun dappled hues created the effect of leaves waving as I passed by.  I pedaled along steadily thinking about the fact that school would be out soon and the summer stretched out before me with endless possibilities.


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Passing On…

Hello folks, it has been a while.

It seems life is hitting me with the one, two punch continuously as of late. We are currently going through the last hours of saying goodbye to my mother-in-law. March 12th she decided she no longer wanted to continue dialysis treatments. This caught us all by surprise and we later learned of some less than honorable intentions on the part of a past acquaintance of the family that had been discreetly meeting with and encouraging mom that this would be the best way for her to escape the horrors of treatment. We also believe but have not confirmed that this individual may have a life insurance policy out on her and was motivated by the death benefit to counsel her in this decision.

Amidst the emotional last few weeks there is an underlying anger at the injustices believed to have been perpetrated. However, at this time it is secondary to the desire to see mom out in love and with dignity despite the emotional tumult residing under the surface.

I need to focus right now on the task at hand but I am sure I will have much to say later.


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Happy Birthday Dad

My father would have turned 75 today. I have mentioned in this blog how he had passed away on my birthday in 2005. As much as I understand it is merely coincidental, I can’t help feeling somewhat awkward on my birthday each year. I will say, as the years go by it is somewhat less awkward but, the feeling will probably never really stop altogether.

Being a father myself now has given me some new perspectives on my own father. I remember at ten years old having my parents sit my brother and I down at the dining room table and as gently as they could tell us of their impending separation… Dad was moving out. As I reflect on this now some 40 years have passed. I wonder sometimes how my life may have been different had they stayed together, not really in a better or worse comparison, but more on how it would be different.

I remember how as I grew through the teen years, even in the midst of all my insecurities how I had a deep sense I would be a better father,  I would never put my children through that… well I am married now almost 28 years but as far as being a better father goes well… I have six children, four are grown and started their lives and two remain for a while longer.  I can not really say I am a better father, frankly being a better father would mean that you would be measuring your success as a parent against some kind of standard, and frankly that standard is one I would have developed from my own expectations for my children. So does this mean if my children don’t meet my expectations I am a bad father?

Now we can say, well it was my responsibility to raise them so if they didn’t meet my standard there is no one to blame but me. I could say, the kids received the training but refused to adhere to it so it must be their fault for not meeting my standards.

I think the reality is a bit different, I don’t think I am a great father, I also don’t think I am a horrible father, rather, I am a man who tried and at times failed and at other times succeeded to do the job of raising my children. Likewise, my children share the same likelihood in their own future experiences.

Dad, I am sorry you’re not here to talk about these kinds of things, and for judging you. I never walked a mile in your shoes and I know in the end you shared with me your sense of living with many regrets. Happy Birthday Dad, I am glad you and Mom met and had children.

Love, your son,


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How did we get here?

Once upon a time…they lived happily ever after.  This world we live in/on is incredible and complex, in fact the amount of things that have to go just right to support life boggles the cranial muscles.

I find it ironic that our origins are a great source of debate. The two camps I guess are primarily evolution or creation. From what I have heard and read these two opposing sides have many nuances and have even melded together in some schools of thought.

One thing that appears to me consistent, although people will argue to the contrary, is that faith isn’t just for the creation camp.  I would say that both sides have knowingly or unknowingly exercised faith, (Faith being belief without proof).

Now the evolutionists are convinced that the reasoning for evolution is based on science and creation is based on emotion. The creationists are convinced by historical record and experience and feel the evolutionists are bent on keeping God out of it because they have never seen God and the historical record cannot be validated.

I believe this battle will not change. In fact the bible predicted this in various ways and so far all the prophetic (predicted) outcomes have come to pass… that is to say they have been 100% accurate.  I know people do/will want to argue this, and as stated earlier this will not change. The Bible states that no one comes to the Father unless the spirit draws them. That as time goes on people’s hearts will grow cold and that they will trade truth for a lie. It happens all the time and has been happening since history began.

Now, just because we might disagree on origins doesn’t mean we have to cross to the other side of the street when we see each other. We can agree to disagree after all death eventually will come and one side will find that their beliefs were valid after all. In the meantime I would rather spend my days loving you, lifting you up when your down, sharing in the joys and sorrows common to everyone and not wasting precious time and energy trying to prove something.

I promise after I die you will not hear me say I told you so.



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Signs… of Our Times.

Signs, they are everywhere. Some tell us what to do, or where to go, or what not to do or not to go.  Helpful at times and confusing occasionally, one thing is certain we take signs for granted most of the time. I will read a sign and, at times, begin a conversation with myself, (Usually not out loud, because after all, we all know what that is a sign of.) pondering various aspects of the signs intended meaning, as well as some often unintended ones.

Entering a public restroom a familiar sign is, “Employee’s Must Wash Hands Before Returning to Work!” In my mind this just begs the question, what about everyone else? I guess it’s optional? I mean okay, so I am done my shift… I guess washing my hands at this point is optional. I just came in from a job site installing sewer pipe. I wanted to order some lunch but I’m not your employee sooo….

I am not even going to consider getting my hands wet.

Additionally, we have to ask, what is the punishment if I don’t wash my hands? Will I get a talking to? How do you know I didn’t wash my hands… are there camera’s in there? Isn’t that an invasion of my privacy? The big question is why do we need a sign at all? Why wouldn’t anyone who put there hands on or near body waste naturally want to wash their hands? Probably the most disturbing part is how many people don’t wash their hands and the percentages change, depending on gender and whether or not someone else is in the restroom at the same time.

Other signs are less obvious and, maybe we don’t even realize they are signs until we look back in hindsight. When some time has passed it may give us some perspective, perhaps there were some indications that something was about to change, but, at the time we didn’t recognize them.

I am facing a change right now that I didn’t see coming, and looking back I can’t see any signs I may have missed. I don’t know if more time going by will reveal some new perspective, however I sense the need to react or change my course regarding this event.

I do sense the need to wait before making a decision… that seems to be one of the difficulties because it goes against my human nature to wait. Actually I can’t really say that, maybe it’s a learned behavior rather than my nature.

Do you see the signs? If so, how quickly are you likely to react to them and what is your strategy, if any, in making effective decisions?


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Hello Again, Waldo

Hello friends,

It has been a while and my reference to “Where’s Waldo” above is my attempt to humor the fact that I haven’t been around much.

A brief summary of my life since August:

2 Kidney surgeries.

Issues with 2 of my adult children….( for any parent of children over 13, “you get this”).

The passing of my step father.

Over  $3000.00 in car repairs.

Fever that started Dec. 24th through Dec 26th with a lingering respiratory thing that went through the New Year.

The unexpected removal of senior leadership at my church of which my heart is broken for.

So as you can see there really isn’t much new with me. God is still on the throne, the healer and lifter of my head.

I apologize for those that have stopped by and left comments that may have gone a while without being responded to or no response was ever given. Further more the messages in my posts over the last few months may have been less than fun to read.

Frankly, I am surprised that people are still coming around here at all. Many of you have commented either here at the blog or messaged me personally with encouraging words thoughts and prayers of which I cannot begin to express my gratitude.

It is 2014 and the future is filled with hope! I am thankful for today, and the incredible gift that each day is. I am thankful for those of you that have remained faithful friends and contributors to my growth and learning and for those of you that read me here and I have never met. I am thankful to be living in a land where we still have the freedom to worship and express ourselves.

As we begin this New Year I pray every opportunity for us to grow closer to each other and our Lord, would be grasped with fervor and joy.

What would you like to talk about?


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2013 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2013 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 2,300 times in 2013. If it were a cable car, it would take about 38 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

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