The Tale of Hewlett Packard and The Little Red Lotus


Perhaps there is a little mischief in all of us…not that there would have to be but the visual of me sitting in my car watching someone Else’s conundrum and giggling gleefully at minimum places me in concert with “Calvin and Hobbes“.

I will now try to share my story as accurately as I can in hopes that you the reader will be transported to the seat beside me to perhaps enjoy this moment as much as I did.

I watched as a 50-something, tall, thin man propelled his shopping cart across the parking lot. Three quarters of his head was bald and the hair he had left appeared grey/white with a shape that would complement the wearing of a baseball cap nicely. He appeared un-hurried and in his cart there was a medium-sized carton that was approximately two feet square and upon closer inspection housed an “HP Printer”.

I barely gave it a thought until he approached a late-model shiny red sport car. This was a “2 seater”, dare to impress, high performance, 0-60 in 4.9 seconds Lotus.

It looked exactly like this —————->

Now this is where I started to follow the events a little more closely… because hey, that’s a cool car and being in my midlife period I can perhaps live vicariously through some stranger for a few minutes. Anyway, the first few drops of rain start to hit the windshield and I notice an almost imperceptible increase in his demeanor from casual to focused. He opens his passenger door and begins to man-handle the box into the passenger seat only it won’t fit and now with the impending rain he can’t put the top down and make it fit. Next he maneuvers the box around a couple different ways and you can almost see his frustration level clicking up a notch or two, but at the same time he is in this large shopping area with a lot of people around, and being the cool and suave man that he is, it just wouldn’t be OK to appear flustered next to his “Lotus”.

Finally he places the box back on top of the shopping cart and begins to un-package the thing right there in the parking lot. Well if you have ever opened anything you know taking stuff like this out of the box typically requires an arsenal of tools and all he has is a pocket knife. He finally gets the printer out of the box and removes the foam tray from the top of it, but the bottom tray is still held fast. This fits in the front seat and now he has the foam tray and the box still at the shopping cart. Now, after a minute of deliberation he starts cutting up the box and folding the various sides and somehow he manages to stuff it in on top of the other things in the car.

Now he has a 2 foot square by 6 inches thick piece of foam and I am wondering is he going to just leave it in the cart, and I am sure he is thinking the same thing. He looks up and around and decides that this particular act is below him, so he goes to the back of the car and while holding the foam in his left arm he reaches with his right arm across his body and into his left pocket for what I ascertain is a fob that has a trunk release button. He opens the smallest trunk lid I have ever seen in my life and begins to try to cram this piece of foam into what must have been a 1 foot square opening. He then closes the trunk looks at the car for about 15 seconds and then re-opens the trunk and tries again, he closes the trunk and looks at the car again.

Now, mind you as I am watching this whole scene play out before me, I find myself at first smiling, then slipping into an occasional chuckle, and finally into merciless giggling, I think mostly because through the whole hopeless scenario it is so obvious he is trying to be nonchalant about the whole thing yet in my mind this was a like a bit written for “Laurel & Hardy” . Finally he throws the foam on the ground and steps on one side of it and snaps the foam in half, opens the trunk yet again and places one half in what I guess is supposed to be a trunk and he takes the other half over with him to the driver’s door.

Well he opens the door and you can see he is moving things around so that he can get in because the stuff on the passenger side is spilling over into the drivers area. He finally gets in places the other half of the foam in his lap and closes the door. At this point I am laughing so hard I am worried I might have an accident.

There is a part of me that feels bad at finding this episode so humorous… it must be a small part of me that was unable to control the rest of me though… I’m so ashamed!




About JT

I am a happily married man with 6 children and have an autoimmune disease. I hope to share my story and explore others' stories and perhaps together both of our lives will be enhanced.
This entry was posted in humor, Just Because, life, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to The Tale of Hewlett Packard and The Little Red Lotus

  1. LOL, you shouldn’t be ashamed. You’re a writer and it’s your job to observe other people in various situations. And you did a great job retelling because I was laughing out loud when I read this!

    Chief & I stood in line at Best Buy on Black Friday last year and watched spacially-challenged person after person try to stuff big screen TV’s into cars that were not cooperating at all. It made the time fly! πŸ™‚

  2. OMG – I almost had an accident reading this from laughing so hard:)

  3. …well, that’s what he gets for buying such a small car. Doesn’t he know that he’ll be squashed if he’s ever in a wreck???

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