I’m thinking more than I used to theses days, but probably not as much as I need to. I constantly find myself in this place over and over again, and I don’t mean the restroom. It is subtle really how it happens, going along, living my life, one day at a time and all that cliché, when suddenly it hit’s me that my life is really just this incredibly long series of short stories fashioned just so, in order to provide just the right mix of compassion and drama displayed with perfect lighting and a moving soundtrack that promotes Mr. I have it all together everything is going exactly according to plan platitude!
I can be completely aware of my shortcomings my less than perfect attributes, my desperate need for a savior…. and still try to paint it up pretty as a picture hoping no one on the outside sees past the facade. While at first reading some will nod in agreement and others will run from the brunt of the brutal honesty, it in no way mitigates the fact that we aren’t so very different. Our understanding of humanness is at once subject to our upbringing and whatever level of denial we are comfortable with that God couldn’t be real he wouldn’t allow this… there must be a perfectly reasonable way to make thinks work out to the Happily ever after scenario, as long as it doesn’t include the ideology that we are totally helpless and without hope apart from an omnipotent God.
We run to every other answer no matter how unlikely as long as it is in line with somehow having something to do with us. It’s funny… we can tell the world how self-centered our young people are… I wonder where they learned that?
I know this is a bit of a rant, it really isn’t directed at anyone but me … I just get tired of finding myself on the same wheel over and over again, can I just love Jesus and live each day.. No each moment fully in the grace, not striving, not hiding, just alive and in the pleasure of his complete and unconditional acceptance and free from the self-centered need to impress someone…