I have been taking a lot of time to examine my life and various aspects of it. There has been a lot of difficult things that have come to the surface and a lot of things I hadn’t given much consideration of previously. One of the things that has come to light is the nature of my relationships with others, and I admit that writing about it here has been a struggle.
In almost every instance I have initiated the relationships I have, be it work or personal, further more, in order for those relationships to continue, again in nearly every instance, I have had to initiate. Which has led me to question what kind of relationships these really are.
We are all unique and have different gifts, talents and abilities. I guess I wonder if I stopped initiating, what would happen to these relationships? Why don’t people give back by letting me know that I am important to them or they will say I am, but only after I have told them they are important to me?
This thought process has led me to ask another provocative question, if I stop seeking after God, where will that relationship go? How might my relationship with God be different from my relationship with people… In what ways should my relationship be affirmed and strengthened with God?… with people?
If I were to stop initiating how many people would notice, and how might me not being part of their lives impact them?… me?
God initiated our relationship, He never stops affirming, the evidence for His thoughts towards me is in every molecule of life. There is nothing I can do to make Him love me more. My desire to have a stronger relationship with him is one-sided as I am the only one who has anything to gain.
How can I love people like that? I can’t, but over time, perhaps as my relationship with Him grows stronger, He will love others through me, in spite of me.
I can say this, people need love and affirmation, God always gives it and when people don’t, it still hurts.