Hi, I’m JT the greenhorn. (Greenhorn is slang for an inexperienced person.) Blogger! In no way does this have anything to do with being the “Green Hornet” there would be better chance of me perfecting a recipe for yogurt popcorn than portraying a Super Hero!
So I thought I would explore the traits of a greenhorn blogger. You can usually hit the broadside of a barn with what a greenhorn will post because we use more words to say as little as possible, in the hopes of getting our word count up as quickly as possible. While we are busy looking to fill our post with as much blather as possible we are constantly toggling back and forth between Wikipedia and an online thesaurus trying desperately to sound intelligent while not repeating retro phrases incessantly throughout the post.
If you saw our keyboard you would be able to tell what the last three meals were we ate before running out to purchase a ridiculous dust cover to hide the fact that we slobbered all over the keyboard. Of course we have to continuously remove aforementioned dust cover because trying to type anything with this cover in place is virtually impossible because our fingers keep sticking to the honey which keeps running off the recently dehydrated sunflower seeds(with honey glaze) hmmm maybe I should dehydrate the honey as well, anyway I digress.
When bumping into a greenhorn blogger there are some safety tips to keep in mind as well. First never speak of anything about anybody at anytime without first considering you may be the subject of a future blog post and while we are on the topic, if a green horn approaches you with papers in hand asking you to please sign this waiver hereby indemnifying them from any possible suits in connection with any posts you may unwittingly become a part of, run in the opposite direction and call your attorney as soon as practicable in order to put your house on a homestead act and consider defensive actions for defamation of character or the possibility of identity theft!
There is some distinct physical characteristics you will notice as well. Greenhorner’s inevitably look like someone propped open their eyelids with toothpicks for at least 36 hours, which in fact is caused by one and possibly two things. first they have literally not slept in 36 hours as they got their groove on a roll in the writing of a post(which has nothing at all to do with “The Emperor”), then after proofreading it 30 times they inadvertently in their wanton excitement hit the publish button once each for the thirty times of proofreading, and that caused 3 servers to crash trying to upload it, and second also just as likely they are bouncing around on their stats pages, always fearing they may have missed some important piece of information on one stat while looking at another!
Finally you may know a greenhorn blogger for sure when every conversation you are either involved in directly or indirectly with them develops certain terminology, and it seems to work it’s way into the conversation such as, ” oh I know exactly what you mean I was just writing a post about that very thing yesterday” or “Hey, that would be a great topic to blog about” and for those of you that are related to the blogger…. (Picture this, You and a Green Horn blogger alone in a room together, and they say)”well ?”, “You look with questioning eyes and ask well what?”, “So what did you think”, and of course you remain without a clue, “What did I think about what?”, “You know the blog I posted last night.” At this point you carelessly state, “O that I haven’t read it yet.” Here is where you really should put your helmet on and ear buds from your MP3 player if at all possible!