I can hear your thoughts now, “He” must have hit the bottom of the barrel of ideas and has now resorted to “potty talk”! Nonsense in fact I can think of several posts about toilet paper and related articles that have a valid need to be explored. Alright so lets roll on.
I am ready to give you the over and under on this paper tiger. Speaking of, which are you? Oh I mean which one do you prefer over or under, and at what level are you? By level, I mean where you will get up in the middle of the night to flip the roll over to the RIGHT way, or are you more likely to say hey it doesn’t really matter. My Grandfather was a definite over man, and his level was do it my way or else! I remember he would really get upset when someone
replaced the roll and put it on the wrong way!(I didn’t even know there was a wrong way). Oh you would get the talk then… Look he would say if your going to do a job you might as well do it right the first time, take a roll from the package, (spend the next ten minutes trying to get the stupid roll started) Place roll in holder with paper hanging down in front, engage roll holder ends in the corresponding slots and your done!
First of all He must have had access to some kind of insiders blog or something, because I have searched high and low and as of yet have not come close to locating toilet paper loading instructions, and I have a feeling I’m not the only one as I have noticed a trend in the
manufacturing process trying to make it easier to load. Of course the naked roll on the back of the toilet works fine although it certainly will draw your “level of class” rating down a few clicks with visitors.
Apart from the obvious distinctions on whether you prefer your paper over the top or out from down under, another issue is paper quality! From the high standards of “Mr Whipple”(for those of you who have no idea who Mr. Whipple is, he was the face of Charmin for quite a while.) to the less lofty standards I have had the distinct
pleasure opportunity to utilize. Charmin would be the gold standard, soft, yet strong it would be most people’s preference if nobody had children! Which introduces the down side regarding cost, frequency of replacement and clogging issues.
On the other side of the spectrum I have used a product surprisingly called toilet paper, however the term must translate poorly in Romania because it is the first time I could pick out well-defined wood fiber in the sheets coming off the roll, and honestly the only product I have used with a valid concern for being impaled with splinters while using! Seriously, they really should add a warning label! Perhaps the product doubles as wood sheathing for the building industry or is the impetus for a new reality TV show.
Inevitably one of the single most awkward moments of my life happened in Romania. One of the places we went to was called Metro. It’s a cash and carry store much like BJ’s or Sam’s Club. You need a member card in order to be admitted to the store.
At Metro, one first goes into a foyer. There is an information booth, bathrooms, and a checkpoint where they let you in. I had to go to the bathroom and so did Allan, so we went there. He was done sooner than me for obvious reasons. So I said to him, “Don’t leave me here. I don’t want to be stuck, because I don’t have a card to get in.” He said, “Okay, but I don’t want to stick around for the performance.” I wasn’t sure what he meant, but I did notice it got kind of quiet, and at this same point I noticed there was no Charmin in there with me either. Well, I did what anyone in my shoes would do – I spoke up and said, “Allan, I need some Charmin in here.” I waited a moment, and then I said a little louder, “Allan,” and then “AAALLLLaaaannnn!!”
“Great … that’s just great,” I thought. Now I began to say, “Okay, God. What can I do to get out of this mess I’m in?” I began to scan the area for alternatives, and then God’s grace and provision came through. As I scanned to my left there was a small waste basket, and a few pieces of Charmin lay on the top. (I can hear the squeals and groans, not to mention my mother’s words of disapproval. But hey, I was in a jam here. It could have been worse – they might have been out of soap!)
Suffice it to say, I am hyper aware now before using a restroom anywhere, and while the job may not be done till the paperwork is finished you better make darn sure you have the paperwork to begin with!