I looked in the mirror the other day, at first it was just a cursory glance. That’s all it typically is, you know what I mean, is my hair in place, has the remnants of this mornings breakfast left a calling card on my face or shirt. Wait, what is that bump just northwest of my upper lip, is that jelly…no it’s post pubescent acne stopping for a visit, last nights potato chips lauding their payback. Traveling north I am suddenly struck by the road map dispersing out in a grid at the corners of my eyes, (when did that happen I’m thinking).
Of course this all happens in the blink of an eye and then out the door I hurry, my thoughts quickly consumed by more pressing things as the cares of the day take hold. That’s how it is most days and I suppose if given some thought that bleeds into weeks and months and yes, even years. As I grow older and hopefully more mature, (that may be open to interpretation!). I have started to look in a different mirror. Truth be told it’s not really a different mirror at all, I am just more cognizant of its presence. This mirror is much more difficult to look in. I find I don’t like to dwell there for any significant time, even though I am there of my own volition.
I wonder if you have been there, I’m sure you probably have but it is hard for me to imagine someone Else’s experience there, which is just as well because there is enough of a plank in my eye to make it impossible to clearly see the speck in someone else. This mirror is utterly effective at stripping away the fronts and faces I wear and devastatingly treacherous at taking down the walls I have so carefully erected to keep the careless and those, (that in my opinion are doing life much better than me) from seeing just who I really am.
I however, when I ask in prayer for some help in seeing what most times lays hidden from my view, look in this mirror and I get to see. Apart from God’s grace I wouldn’t wish that reflection on anyone! And quite frankly I am not sure that I could, with uncompromising truth look into that mirror apart from the grace in which I walk. I think that it would be easy to slip into depression if I was allowed to see myself in the light that is perfect and not have the profound relief that my redemption is not based on me. Going to that mirror in my estimation is a valid and worthy journey and one I continue to partake of if for no other reason than the immense gratitude I come away with and, the humbling realization of what my future could have had in store for me.
It really is so much easier not to ask questions. Why did I say that to so and so, Wouldn’t it have been easy to help with that, instead I beg off feigning a schedule that won’t budge, when in reality I don’t want to miss my show! Of course I can fill my schedule with my preferences and legitimately justify that I just don’t have time and can justify that my busyness is valid and important! Then I stop at the mirror a moment and the motivations are laid bare and the excuses fall away exposed for the refuse they are, and I am humbled once again.
It’s a process that occurs over and over, in no particular order but a definitive design is evident. My faith as weak as it is, is being strengthened day by day and at times moment by moment. Keep showing me Lord.
Maybe one day, you will meet me and we’ll have a conversation and as we part for whatever next needs doing, you will pause and realize that you saw more than the reflection I wanted you to see.