Express Yourself at WordExpress

Dear Readership, I wanted to take a moment to introduce you to a new online magazine. A place where multiple dissenting views are welcomed, in a civil and intelligent community. I have met Donald Miller virtually and have found his abilities and desires to be ethical and based in a desire to connect and learn together in an affirming community.

There may even be opportunity for you to share in some of the article generation. This is a community that is open only to members and the price of membership is participation. Hey, Don’t take my word for it please go and look over the incredible variety of offerings from articles to humor and even college level classes ( although taking them here will not give you credits). If you like what you see subscribe and come back here to tell me about it.

Regardless of what you think I want to hear your feedback. If you have ideas to make it better I want to hear that too!  The address is on my Blogroll and Right HERE!

http://wordexpressweekly.wordpress.com/

What Say You?

I received my one year evaluation today. I have been with the company 5 years however I was promoted just over a year ago into a new position and this was my first evaluation in this position. Receiving the evaluation is a good thing, it means a raise. What bothers me is some of the feedback I received with the evaluation.

It seems that I have excellent communication skills, in fact it seems, possibly too good. They have asked me to use smaller, simpler words while speaking to people because some of my vernacular is to profound for many folks to understand. Really?!?!? When I questioned some of my peers, I was shocked to find that they indeed concur with the assessment! I have to admit this has really disturbed me. Pressure to cede intelligent conversation because someone doesn’t know the meaning of an occasional word is outrageous and embarrassing. Where are we going as a nation? If this is any indication of what is happening around the nation, it does not bode well for the future.

Rather than drawing down those whose vocabulary has expanded beyond our own, here’s an idea pull out a dictionary and Look It UP! I do mean a dictionary because today we are likely to just google it and forget it. If you go through the effort to get out a dictionary and look it up at least you have a 50% chance you will hold on to the meaning for more than thirty seconds. Good Grief!

Now the other feed back I received may indeed be a valid complaint… They say stop taking so long to say things, just get to the point and shut up.

JT

Memories of Dad

  My father died in 2005 on my birthday. My memories of him are in conflict so often, on one side I love him because he was my father, and yet on the opposite side there were many times when his influence in my life created pain or disturbing memories.

Now that He is gone I remain conflicted because I want to protect him and leave a legacy to my family and children of all that was good in him while at the same time not doing a dis-service to the truth of what was. In many ways I have an incredible empathy for my Dad, he grew up in home where his father did not show love, because of this he struggled his entire life with how to show love. He and my Mother separated when I was ten years old. I remember my parents sitting my brother and I down to explain how Dad wasn’t going to live there anymore and I ran to my room crying, my brother went outside to play. Both of us wounded in ways that took a very long time to recognize.

For a number of years he would come to see us on Saturday’s always with a plan to take us out somewhere, usually to a Drive-in or to Friendly’s for a meal or ice cream.  It wasn’t until many years later I realized that if he didn’t have the money to do something with us then he would say he couldn’t see us for some reason or another. When this realization came to me I would try to plan times for us to just hang out together, fervently telling him that we didn’t have to do anything, that I would just be happy to hang out together and talk. He often would agree until the set time for our meeting and then he would call last-minute and say something came up.

Dad had Diabetes and the years of alcohol abuse finally caught up to him. In the year before his death we finally had some time to talk as his ability to get around on his own was greatly diminished so I had a captive audience. We talked about the years gone by and I realized this man, my father, had many regrets. His greatest gift to me came just a short time before he died, He said, son I am so proud of you… proud of you as a husband and a father, you have turned out to be fine man and one that any father would be proud to call his own.

Those few words had such  power in them… looking now I can see that this is something every child wants. Father’s it is so important to pass a blessing on to your children to hand over the baton that says you are flesh of my flesh and you are going to do well, to let your children know that no matter what differences there are between you, you will never be ashamed to call them  son’s/daughter’s.

Thank You Dad,

JT

The Art of Correction

Recently a Blogger friend invited me to submit some work to his site. I responded that although I was honored at the invite I did not consider my writing up to the standard I felt such an endeavor was worthy of. I did invite him to use any portion of the piece or edit what was there.

He sent me a reply which highlighted areas where I might improve the content and direction of the writing from a reader’s perspective… valuable input that I can use.

Most of the time we neither solicit or encourage feedback, particularly if it shows up an area where we have a weakness. This is not unusual, let’s face it who wants to be reminded of their shortcomings. This is a strategic point where I think the proverbial rubber meets the road. Here is where I am faced with a decision to either embrace some constructive criticism or slap my hands over my ears and sing-song “I’m not listening, I’m not listening”. How  am I to get better at something, in this case writing, if I am not open to correction? I can practice till my fingers bleed but if no one is there to say “You are doing it wrong”, then I will continue to practice doing it wrong until I’m an expert… at doing it wrong!

This is not invitation for every so-called writer to jump on the bandwagon to pummel some unsuspecting blogger with constructive criticism. If I am reading someone who has been successful at writing, and have identified them as someone who is doing it right, that is when I may invite them to critique me because evidence of their experience validates them as capable of giving me good advice. Furthermore, I would want someone who has my best interests at heart to give me advice rather than someone who doesn’t really care whether I am successful or not. Finally, if someone asks you for constructive criticism, how you give it makes a huge difference in the way it is received and applied in that person’s life.

A good example of someone who has the art of correction is, if after you have received it you don’t feel like someone who has hit you with a sledgehammer, oh, and you look forward to continue writing afterwards.  Thanks, Donald.

JT

Rearranging Life

Well, the time has finally come for me to grow up. The realities of life have finally caught up with me…  OK so maybe I am being slightly melodramatic here, however as I get older my response to responsibilities becomes a bit more mature…I think.

Going through a financial reorganization just now as I take stock of past choices, decisions and habits and looking to do better with money management.  Here are some things I have learned so far:

1. Have an emergency fund. 3-6 months of cash saved preferably somewhere where you have access to it but not so easy you use it for a whimsical desire for pizza. Of course when I mention this most people immediately think, if not say, right I can barely meet my current expenses and I am supposed to go ahead and save 6 months worth of income!

It is possible… not easy, but possible.

2. Every dollar of income needs a name attached to it. Even if the name on it says throw it out the window fund.

3. Without a written plan and an accountability partner it is highly unlikely you will change your current set of habits and beliefs about money.

4. When you have debt you the debtor are enslaved to the creditor.

5. Using a bit of discipline and being willing to sacrifice what you want for what you need, it is possible to never have a car payment again. ( The average American has a car payment of $464.00 a month!)

The reality is just like dieting, debt consolidation is a scam. Lifestyle changes are the only way to win for the long-term.

On my way to rearrange some life…

JT

Does the Face of Your Friend Look Like A Cell Phone?

Hello, and welcome to my cell phone rant. I am not sure exactly when it happened, but it did happen. Phone etiquette once existed and now,  has apparently been thrown out the proverbial window, perhaps it went along with the cord that used to connect the phone to the wall?

Several people who I converse with on a regular basis have the uncanny ability to continue their various texting and Facebook checking, web surfing and only the Cell God’s know what else they are doing, while simultaneously creating a farce called having a conversation with me. I try not to let it bother me… but it really does.

Look, I use my cell phone as well, but if I am in a conversation with someone I will either ignore the phone or at least excuse myself if it is something that can’t wait, ( which is less than 1 percent of the time) make the call as short as possible and apologize for the intrusion. Nowadays it seems  as if common decency has gone right out with “Ma Bell” and conversations in the digital realm supersede flesh and blood! I will admit at times I have even found myself entertaining fantasy’s about ripping the offending cellular device right out off their hands and launching onto the nearest tractor-trailer laden highway I can find…. Of course I guess that would breach the rules of etiquette as well, so instead, perhaps while I’m standing there stewing, I can pull out my cell phone and see what the latest status updates on Facebook are.

JT

The Law of Nature…

  Or, the law of human nature, or the natural law. Call it what you will, it essentially comes down to the fact that we are born with an inherent sense of wrong and right.  This basis of wrong and right forms the societal norms from which we operate at even the earliest of ages.  A small child may see a parent reach into a jar and retrieve a cookie. The child when left alone may remember where the cookies are and then attempt to retrieve one for themselves. If the parent happens to approach while the child has their hand in the jar inevitably the child will quickly try to remove their hand before being “caught” by the parent.

  On a similar note we don’t have to teach our children how to be selfish, I have yet to tell any of my children to please stop sharing so much.

  Where does this sense of right and wrong come from? It seems there are essentially 2 mindsets: either there is the belief that someone/thing has placed these things in us, or that we have evolved into this mindset.

 The question then becomes: we have a sense of wrong and right and yet we want to, and often do choose the wrong over the right. if we have evolved to a point where we inherently know what is wrong and right, why then would we still choose to do wrong?

 All of these questions I am sure will stir many more questions and at the core of it you have to decide, do I believe in absolute truth, that is truth that is truth regardless of whether or not I believe it to be true?

JT